Prepare for a divorce

Written by Maria Kazouris

Most divorce cases are settled by the spouses between themselves, not necessarily by their divorce lawyers, so you will both benefit, in the long run, by keeping communication lines open. Consider also whether the problems you are fighting about now, will matter in the future. If not, then the same issues probably do not matter in the present moment. So, let go of these issues and focus on the important ones! Choose your battles wisely! Most importantly, if you have children, they should be your top priority and your decisions must be consistent with their best interests, not just yours.

Mental, emotional and financial preparations are required throughout this process. Before you take any affirmative action, prepare yourself and think about your case, your life, your children and make a detailed, specific list of everything you want to achieve including the divorce, consistent with your life goals and values, your children's best interests, property and overall financial security.
It may be a good idea to:

Put your papers in order Keep copies of important financial documents in a secure place. Critical financial papers include tax returns, insurance policies and bank statements, investment accounts, salaries and benefit programs.
Keep a journal of expenses and pertinent events Keep a journal of all expenses with receipts, especially your children's expenses and custody matters. Save all of the receipts for major purchases and prepare an inventory of all of the property and assets acquired during the marriage. Keep a current inventory of your safe deposit box.
Establish credit Try to establish individual credit relationships (gasoline credit cards, department stores and national credit car companies such as Visa, MasterCard, etc.)
Open a bank account in your name Open a new bank account in your name at a bank where your spouse does not do business.
Keep inheritances separate Do not put an inheritance into joint names with your spouse and do not use your inheritance money to pay for family expenses or purchases or to pay down debts.
Prepare your spouse Take some time to also prepare your spouse and let your spouse get used to the reality of being divorced in the near future.
Get support systems in place Make sure you get strong emotional support and encouragement from trusted friends, family, spiritual advisors or psychologists to help you through the difficult, complex feelings that are associated with the divorce process.
Talk to your children Reassure your children that they are not the cause of your divorce. It is best to be truthful and honest and give children simple and clear answers without blaming anyone.
Take care of yourself While you are taking care of the business aspects of your divorce, you must also take care of yourself. If possible, undergo any medical treatments which are needed or anticipated in the near future if they are covered under your spouse's insurance.

Family Law Terms

ANSWER - The Second Pleading in an action for divorce, separation or annulment, which is served in response to the Complaint and which admits or denies its allegation.
CHILD SUPPORT - Support for a child (not taxable to the recipient or deductible to the payor spouse).
COMPLAINT - The First Pleading in action for divorce, separation, or annulment, setting forth the allegations upon which the requested relief is based.
CONDONATION - The adultery of a spouse is NOT grounds for divorce.
CONTEMPT OF COURT - The willful and intentional failure to comply with a Court Order, Judgment, or Decree by a party to the action. Contempt of Court is punishable by fine or imprisonment.
CONTESTED CASE - Any case where the Court must decide one or more issues that are not agreed to by the parties. Cases are considered contested until all issues have been agreed to.
DEFAULT ORDER OR DEFAULT JUDGMENT - An Order or Judgment granted by the Court without the other side's being heard because they failed to plead or submit papers within the time allowed or failed to appear at the hearing.
DEFENDANT - The one who defends the Lawsuit brought by another. Same as Respondent.
DEPOSITION - The testimony of a witness taken out of Court under oath and reduced to writing. Depositions are taken for the purpose of discovering the facts upon which a party's claim is based; obtaining financial information or discovering the substance of a witness's testimony prior to trial.
DISCLOSURE - Procedures followed by attorneys in order to determine the nature, scope, and credibility of the opposing party's claim and his/her financial status. Disclosure devices include depositions, written interrogatories, and notices to produce various documentation relating to issues which are decided in the case. Psychological examinations, blood tests, and court social-service investigations are also part of disclosure.
EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION OF PROPERTY - A system of distributing property acquired by spouses during their marriage in connection with a divorce or dissolution proceeding. The division is based on a variety of equitable factors, including length of the marriage, relative financial contribution, contribution as a spouse and homemaker and respective need. Title to property in the name of either spouse does not necessarily restrict the Court's right to award all or part of that property to the other spouse as part of an Equitable Distribution.
GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE - The legal circumstances which must be proved before a divorce can be granted, also called a "Cause of Action." Florida is a 'no-fault' state which merely requires there to be irreconcilable differences between the parties.
INJUNCTION - A Court Order forbidding someone from doing a particular act which is likely to cause injury or property loss to another party (same as a Restraining Order).
INTERROGATORIES - A series of written questions served upon the opposing party in order to discover certain facts regarding the disputed issues in a matrimonial proceeding. The answers to Interrogatories must be under oath and served within a prescribed period of time.
IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES - Differences between spouses that are considered sufficiently severe to make married life together more or less impossible.
JOINT PROPERTY - Property held in the name of more than one person.
JUDGMENT - The Order of the Court determining the action requiring the parties to do certain things or setting forth their rights and responsibilities.
JURISDICTION - The power of the Court to rule upon issues relating to the parties; their children or their property.
MAINTENANCE - Spousal support (deductible to the payor spouse and taxable as income to the recipient).
MARITAL PROPERTY - Accumulated income and property acquired by the spouses during the marriage, subject to Equitable Distribution by the Court. Property acquired by gift from third parties or inheritance, and personal injury recoveries is not marital property.
MEDIATION - An informal, voluntary process allowing parties to work with a neutral third party (the 'mediator') to develop a separation agreement. An agreement developed with a mediator is said to be a 'mediated agreement.'
MOTION - A written application to the court for some particular relief such as temporary support, injunction, or attorney's fees, which is made upon advance notice to the other party.
PLAINTIFF - The party who files the Lawsuit.
PLEADING - Formal written application to the Court for relief and the written response thereto. Pleadings include complaints, answers, counterclaims, and replies.
SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT - The agreed resolution of disputed issues reduced to a written document.
SHOW CAUSE - (Same as Order to Show Cause) Written application to the Court for some type of relief which is made upon such notice to the other party as the Court directs and which may contain a restraining order, temporary injunction, or other ex parte relief, pending the determination of the Motion.
SUMMONS - A written notification to the Defendant that an action has been commenced against him, and requiring that the Defendant appear within a specific period of time to answer the Complaint.
TEMPORARY MOTIONS - Applications to the Court for interim relief pending the final decree of divorce, separation, or annulment. Typical temporary motions include motions for temporary maintenance, child support, attorneys' fees, expert fees, custody, visitation, enforcement or modification of prior temporary orders. The Court enters a temporary order after determining a motion. Motions are brought on by the service of a notice of motion or order to show cause, with supporting affidavits.
TRIAL - A formal Court hearing to decide disputed issues raised by the pleadings.